We’re excited to share with you all a few changes we’ve been working on for a while here at Pixel Plow. First, and most important, is that we are changing our name. From here forward, we will be calling ourselves “Red Plow”.
While trying very hard to appear increasingly antiquated, to keep up with our new brand, we will be introducing a 16 color agent. After all, who needs more than 16 colors? Crayola didn’t, unless you had lunch money to burn. This move is necessary to insure agent compatibility with Windows 3.1. Ever wondered what to do with that old 386 collecting dust in your closet? Push that Turbo button on and use it to submit render jobs! Good luck getting your token ring network running, though.
Some will likely accuse us of jockeying for a buyout. Pfft! Just because Maxon has a red fetish doesn’t mean we’re looking for a buyout. We did hear, though, that they were secretly looking to purchase the rights to the 1984 movie “Red Dawn”. Pretty sure they’re just Swayze fans, though. Nothing to see there…move along.
In other, more pressing news, Corona has taken the world by storm. We’re doing our part to counter this onslaught by modifying our render pipeline significantly. Until Corona starts behaving, we are forcing all incoming jobs to use it as their render engine. As a result, you may see one or more of the following symptoms:
- Jobs will be running, but you won’t be able to see any output for 2 weeks
- You can run test renders, but you’ll have to send out to a lab for results
- Downloading output will cause all image files on your drive to look like the downloaded output. We call this “infectious imagery”.
- For safety measures, our agent will only deliver output up to 6 feet away from you. Don’t ask us how we can do this.
- All output will be sanitized by Norton360 prior to delivery, which will add a few days to job time
- All GPU render jobs will return a laughing gif, since Corona doesn’t want to work there
- Bezier curves that are too steep will be auto-flattened by our proprietary algorithm in the interest of public safety
- The agent will cease functionality whilst aboard cruise ships
- Render jobs submitted under government contracts will automatically produce 2 output files per frame, each with completely different colors, so everyone can be happy
We hope these measures will whip Corona into shape. Keep doing your part, and we’ll keep doing ours. Oh, and try not to take yourself, or the author of this post, too seriously.
Red Plow, signing off!